


The Ridge - Phan

by didyousaymiku



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phandom, crabstickz, kickthepj, vloggers - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Other, Self Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-06
Updated: 2012-11-06
Packaged: 2017-11-18 02:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/555879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didyousaymiku/pseuds/didyousaymiku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short, slightly angsty phanfic. From a third person perspective, which is limited to Phil's view. There is a major character suicide, just as a warning. May be slightly triggering.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ridge - Phan

"This could not get fucking worse. I'm done. Fucking done," Phil yelled, tossing his overly-priced cell phone across the room. "This is ridiculous. How the hell did this happen?! Why didn't he tell me before it was too late?!" he screamed, collapsing back onto the couch and burying his head in his hands. "I can't see him or talk to him anymore. I'm done. There's no fucking point in anything. goddammit! He'll be there for at least three years, which is three years too freaking many!!" he howled, tugging at his hair. "He should have been more careful. It's not even my fault this time! He acted like a total ass and got thrown into some bullshit correction facility. What'd he expect?! 'Oh, lemme just fuck with all of the wrong people and see what happens,' Like, hell no. No. It's his own damn fault, and I'm done," Phil stopped rambling to himself and took a deep breath. "M-Maybe I should calm down and call Chris or something..." he sighed, letting the steam clear from his head. "Yeah... M-Maybe I should just talk about it..."  
Phil walked shakily across the room and snatched up his now cracked phone. "Fuck... Eh, whatever. I don't even care," he mumbled, dialing Chris's number, which he had put to memory. He ignored the scratches and chunks of glass falling from it as he pressed the cellular phone to his ear. He calmed slightly when Chris answered. 'Thank god, he's near his phone. Phew,' he thought to himself, taking a deep breath as his close friend asked him the only question he didn't want to answer right now.  
"You okay, Phil? You sound really stressed out," he heard. He ruffled his hair and bit his lip. "I...I don't think I'm that okay right now," Phil mumbled honestly, crumbling down to the floor and sighing.  
"I can always tell," Chris laughed lightly, 'Lemme guess... Boyfriend again?"  
Phil almost smiled. Chris knew him so well; thank God for that. "Yeah..." he groaned. "Other stuff, too. Everything's just making the unnecessary boyfriend drama worse," Phil smirked again when Chris caringly comforted him. "Do you wanna talk about it?" Chris asked softly.  
Phil nodded before he realized Chris couldn't actually see him. "Yeah. I'll start with the... excess 'non-boyfriend drama' first," Both of them laughed as Chris signaled for him to start talking. "I dunno, just... Uni's been super hard lately," Phil sighed, "for some odd reason. Like... I was actually failing a class on Friday..." he mumbled, nearly ashamed. "You know how I am about grades. I bumped it up to a B- today, which is kinda good, but it's not good enough for me to pass..."  
Chris asked Phil to finish up before he said anything. He promptly continued, "Plus, I've had so much work to do lately. Like, that huge film project and exams and a ton of stuff I honestly don't have time for anymore..." Phil was nearly shocked at what was coming out of his mouth; he honestly didn't know he felt that way. School always came before anything... Except for Dan... "I've been fighting with my parents a ton, too. I don't even know why... I mean... I think I do, maybe..." Chris urged him to go on. "Like... I feel like they're not even my parents anymore... If that makes sense? Like... We've always been super distant... But, especially after I started dating guys... We've grown apart even more. I hate it,"  
Chris sympathized with Phil, asking him a few more questions. That was when Phil realized there were two questions he didn't really want to answer. "You haven't self-harmed, have you?" Chris asked him. Phil felt like he was going to shatter right then and there. 'Fuck, Chris! Stop, Chris! This is not a good question to ask, 'cause you are not going to like the fuckin' answer,' he thought. Chris pointed out his hesitation. "You have, haven't you?!" Phil jumped, Chris sounded like he was almost... Angry... 'That is not good,' Phil thought, 'That is not the tone of voice your friend should be using when talking about stuff like this,'  
"I'm so disappointed in you," Phil covered his face. 'No... No... Fuck... Not this again...' "You promised me you'd stop. You promised me this wouldn't happen. This is fucking insane. Jesus christ," Phil felt anger boiling within him again. "Wait, excuse me?" he asked arrogantly, "What the fuck?! Of course I was going to promise you that, but it doesn't mean anything! You can't put me in a position like this, Chris, you can't. You don't fucking know what this is like. You can't just expect one person to change my entire life and addictions. No, it doesn't work that way, sorry,"  
"I'm not sorry for you, Phil. You're bringing this on yourself, now. You know you would feel a lot better if you weren't cutting. I trusted you, too," Chris said, his anger apparent in his voice. "I fucking trusted you! I thought you were lying about it, but I trusted you, I gave you a chance to get better. And you did this. I'm done."  
Phil felt a few tears roll down his face as Chris ended their call. He tossed his phone again. "Fuck this! Jesus christ, now my best friend is mega pissed at me for something I can't even actively control!!" His phone buzzed from across the room. He picked it up and sighed. "Oh, great fucking time, Peej," he mumbled, opening his tumblr notifications and checking his asks. He had about three from PJ, all of which were saying how concerned he was and how much he hoped Phil was okay.  
He cried softly as he shakily typed a reply. 'Hey, sorry for making you worry so much, Peej. I just got these notifications. Again, sorry for making you worry and whatnot. I'm... I'm fine.' Phil lied, pressing send and laying back onto the floor.  
His phone buzzed for another notification about three minutes later. 'You sure, dear? I heard there was some stuff going on with you and Dan again. You wanna talk about it? <3' Phil decided he would. He really needed to get this off his chest.  
'Uh, I guess. God, shit goes around fast on the internet lately, hmm? Anyways, yeah... Stuff's been happening...' He refused to type anymore right now, as he was nearly afraid of making PJ angry, too. After a few more messages back and forth egging him on, begging for him to talk, he finally did.  
He typed quickly, tears rolling down his face. 'Dan's been getting in trouble at Uni a lot. Like... A /lot/. He gets in fights so much. It's kinda ridiculous, to be honest. Anyways, he actually was sent out to a behavioral correction facility called "The Ridge" or whatever. He's younger than me, by like, five years, so he's still a minor. He's 17, so he doesn't have a say in what facilities he can be sent out to yet. Basically, that behavioral bullshit whatever is a less harsh juvenile jail with therapy. He's getting a ton of tests and therapeutical shit done to him. We haven't been able to talk in like, three weeks. I did text him today, though. He told me what was going on today. I just fucking found out. It was horrible. I probably would've been okay, but he told me he wanted to... like... "put our whole relationship on hold" until he gets out. Essentially, we're not together right now. We're waiting until he gets all his stuff sorted to see if we can even continue our relationship anymore.' Phil stopped,before adding, 'Damn, that felt good to type. Thanks for reading it <3'  
The reply he got was quick. 'oh... that sucks. does that mean you're like.. single right now? that's cool.'  
He nearly tossed his phone again. "Are you fucking serious?" Phil yelled. "You can't be fucking serious. My only other goddamn friend doesn't even care about anything but stealing me from Dan! I am fucking DONE!"  
Phil quickly ran outside, glad his parents weren't home in the flat. He texted them quickly, just to make sure they wouldn't look for him. What he was about to do, in retrospect, was slightly drastic, but at that exact moment, he didn't care. 'Hey mum, dad, I'm going out with a few friends. Don't freak if I'm not home.' he sent quickly, sighing as his parents replied with the usual okay, be careful, love you, etc. bullshit.  
Phil climbed into his parents' small car. He pulled out of their driveway. "I'm so fucking done right now. I'm done. I've never been this damn upset, EVER." he screamed, driving quickly. He knew exactly where he could go to do this. It'd be perfectly ironic, too, and it'd show Dan not to be such a careless prick in the future.  
He wasn't very careful as he drove, knowing it wouldn't matter once he was done. "Don't worry, I'll be gone in about ten minutes. Just gotta get there," he mumbled to himself as people yelled at him from their cars. He did eventually get to his destination.  
It was a small, ragged cliff on the outskirts of the city. It was usually a popular place for teenage lovers to come hang out, and, as if that wasn't ironic enough, it was coined the name "The Ridge." Perfect.  
Phil nearly leaped out of his car as he ran to the edge of the 'ridge' and laughed. "Fucking finally. I don't have to deal with this bullshit anymore. I don't need to worry about Uni grades or boyfriends or fights anymore. I can fucking die. I can go unconscious and just be an empty, lifeless body for the rest of eternity. And best of all, IT"S IMPOSSIBLE TO FAIL. NO COMPLEX CUTTING PATTERNS OR DRUG COMBINATIONS THIS TIME." Phil screamed, relieved, nearly. "Done. Bye Dan, fuck you for not thinking about the consequences of your bullish actions! Bye Chris, fuck you for being a selfish, ignorant bastard of a friend! Bye Peej, fuck you for being a jealous, egocentric prick!. Bye Mum, fuck you for shunning me and being a total douchebag! Bye Dad, fuck you for being a dickhead! And hey, fuck everyone! Who's the pussy and faggot now?! Obviously not me, I'm not even going to be here anymore. Bye!"  
After ranting angrily for about ten minutes, Phil jumped from the cliff. He screamed happily on the way down, his shirt flying up and his hair being ruffled and tossed behind his ears. It took him about a minute to reach the bottom. One long, painful minute for him to splat against the ground. Right before he hit the solid mass of the Earth below him, he thought about what it might have been like if he chose to live. Too late now, obviously. S'all said and done, right on The Ridge.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Both of the "ridges" may or may not be real, and if they are real, the correlation was unintentional.  
> 2\. I don't own/know/etc. Dan Howell, Phil Lester, Chris Kendall, or PJ Ligouri.  
> 3\. To my knowledge, no event in this fic has actually taken place.


End file.
